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Sweet Potato Chips

27 Jan

Friends, family, beloved readers, beloved readers’ pets, random reader from middle America (how did you find me?), others who have stumbled upon this website while searching for their local FroYo,

I have an announcement:

I am in crisis.

A writer crisis.

An Accomplished Woman crisis.

The sort of crisis which paralyses your thoughts and ideas. You see I am currently experiencing an Unemployed Writer’s Emotional Breakdown (or UWEB as I affectionately call it. Here’s how to use it in a sentence –

Me: Hey man, sorry I couldn’t get back to you about that thing. I have UWEB.

Man: Oh that’s cool, I had UWEB once. The anti-fungal cream really worked wonders).

This breakdown may have been brought on by a late-night google search of jobs for arts graduates. Waiter was one of only a few options.*

Whatever the cause, I present you with a direct transcript from my mind during my battle with UWEB:

I’m unemployed. No-one will ever employ me. I am unemployable. I have no marketable skills! Why would anyone employ me? Why? Surely I have some skillz! Like maybe if the government had a really big problem and war was imminent, they’d be all “We need an Accomplished Woman!” Then they’d turn to me and say  “You there, the woman who makes Salted Caramel Ice Cream, how will you help this global crisis?”

I’d be ready with a 2B pencil in hand: “I can write you a sonnet…or perhaps prose? Will that solve your really big world wide problem? I’ll make it really good.”

Ok. Stop freaking out. Here’s what you need to do, self. You need to write something. Anything. Write for The Accomplished Woman Dot Org. She’ll employ you. Sure, the pay’s not great but maybe then you will have something to show for your days of carb-loading and coffee drinking.

Am I speaking in 3rd person? It’s hard to tell. Maybe I’ve split my personality into two. I’ll call the other one Flora. I knew a girl called Flora once…

That’s not the point. I need to write. We need to write. Verity and Flora.

But I don’t know what to write. I should know what to write. I know! I need to do something so I can write about it! Is making popcorn ice cream really enough to keep this website going? Mmm. Popcorn. Butter. Is butter a carb? Carbs. Carbs. Carbs. I love carbs. A carb would make a good husband. No one ever hates carbs. Do they? Really? Think about it. Oh, I am. People love carbs!

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Gingerbread Christmas Biscuits

20 Dec

As I write this I’m still in my pjs despite it being 3:30pm and eating piece after piece of gingerbread. In between biscuits, I ponder the deep lyrics to Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

Little tin horns, 
Little toy drums. 
Rudy-toot-toot 
and rummy tum tums.

Right. It’s ripe for innuendo but I won’t go there.

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Homemade Iced Vovos

19 Dec

One of my best friends, Sparky, is leaving town in a few short weeks. Sad and made sadder by the fact that he is no ordinary friend. He is my chicken pox-sharing, life long-caring, Pink Floyd shirt-wearing buddy. He is Harry to my Hermione and I wouldn’t have survived Hogwarts without him.

I’ve made him promise to join me in a nursing home when we are old and haggard. I’m hoping that’s not for another sixty years (at least).

Until then, he has to move. Eight hours away.

I don’t want to talk about it. But I do want to bake about it. When I think of food and Sparky, I think of Iced Vovos. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of the tea parties we would have together. Our Mums’ made real (weak) tea in plastic teapots and served up those luxurious biscuits. To this day I’ve never felt more grown up.

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Easy Peasy Homemade Choc Tops

9 Dec

Who knew that making a magic chocolate shell for ice cream was so easy?  The result is a more robust and sophisticated shell than you could create with the shop bought stuff.

I used a ratio of one part copha (hydrogenated coconut oil) to two parts chocolate. You could increase the chocolate if you like. Feel free to mix in almost any flavour- a bit of rum, some essence, candy bits- be as creative as you’re able!

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Clinkers Ice Cream

8 Dec

Clinkers Ice Cream. I don’t know where the idea came from. I suppose it’s just obvious.

Clinkers = Good. Ice Cream = Good.

For those of you joining us from overseas, Clinkers are chocolate covered candy pieces (the consistency of honeycomb). A bag comes with several flavours and unless you’re pretty savvy, you never know what ya gonna get. They are such fun to eat and absolutely adored by The Overachiever and The Boss who seem to prefer the more childish candies on the market.

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French Toast Popcorn

6 Dec

I am going to have to be dogmatic now. You must make this and you must eat this. You must eat this in a house, you must eat this with a mouse. Or here and there, and everywhere.

Sorry, got carried away. Dr Suess taught me to try new things. Furthermore he taught me to force my opinions about unusual foods on other people through the medium of incessant rhyme.

I’ll restrain myself and simply attest that this recipe is beyond simple and the result is something that Oprah would definitely share on her Favourite Things show (RIP The Oprah Winfrey Show 1986-2011: creating a-ha moments for twenty-five years).

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Gingerbread Popcorn

4 Dec

Y’all, I know it’s the weekend and on this chilly summer day (17.8ºC) I should be watching infomercials and eating leftover popcorn but I can multitask, plus writing gets me out of making The Child a snack for elevensies.

I’m not saying my sister is spoilt, I’m just saying this may have been a recent conversation.

The Child: I could eat a cow.

Me: We’ll get you a cow, darlink.

You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to hear about The Movie Night but I think y’all deserve a recipe so here it is. Enjoy making it for ‘The Child’ in your life.

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