Oh, Hi There.

10 Mar

So do you know what’s embarrassing? When your parents dance.

Oh and when they talk about things they have no business talking about. Stuff they are too old to understand.

C’mon. You know what I mean. It starts off innocently:

“That man was flir-t-ing with you,” says mother enunciating every syllable.

“Mother, we’ve talked about this, haven’t we? You’re not to say that word,” I reply.

“What? Fli-r-t?”

I shudder.

“Yes mother, that’s on your ‘List of Banned Words,’ isn’t it?”*

“Oh yes, my ‘List of Banned Words.’ I’m not supposed to say ‘sex’ either, am I?”

“Mother! If you breach the list again, you are going to accrue enough demerit points for an on-the-spot fine.”

I say all this because it was parental embarrassment that brought me here. To address y’all whether you like it or not. You see, this afternoon Mother hassled me to start writing here again. She urged me to write my thoughts, opinions, ideas and ramblings and while I see her point, I’m not entirely sure my thoughts and opinions are fit for public consumption.**

However, I agreed that I should perhaps write something. This inspired enough joy from the parental units that they began to dance around the living room to music which The Child would call “70s hippy crap.”

And even though no-one was around to witness my mortification, it was too much for me to take on a Saturday afternoon so I retreated to my office (read: my attic bedroom) to compose this:

I am back (again).

I would apologise for my months of absence, but the truth is y’all, that love means never having to say you’re sorry.

See ya around.

-AW xo

*Banned Words for Parents (trademark pending): I came up with the concept, feel free to use the technique on your own parents for a nominal fee.

Some suggested banned words/phrases:

  • “Loose women”
  • “Dirty Dancing”
  • “French kissing”
  • “Make-out”
  • “Friends with benefits”
  • “Did you kiss him?”

**Current thoughts include: How irritating is it when you’re trying to type with your laptop on your lap (where it was designed to be used, after all) and your bust (see: Banned Words for Parents) keeps clicking the mouse accidentally? Am I the only one with this problem? Seriously.

(I told you. The world is not ready for my thoughts.)

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One Response to “Oh, Hi There.”

  1. chefbill March 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm #

    Your parents must dance with the sheer abandonment that only joy can bring! Oh, I don’t have the ‘bust typing’ problem, but my thumb has been known to send an email prematurely.

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