Archive | January, 2012

Sweet Potato Chips

27 Jan

Friends, family, beloved readers, beloved readers’ pets, random reader from middle America (how did you find me?), others who have stumbled upon this website while searching for their local FroYo,

I have an announcement:

I am in crisis.

A writer crisis.

An Accomplished Woman crisis.

The sort of crisis which paralyses your thoughts and ideas. You see I am currently experiencing an Unemployed Writer’s Emotional Breakdown (or UWEB as I affectionately call it. Here’s how to use it in a sentence –

Me: Hey man, sorry I couldn’t get back to you about that thing. I have UWEB.

Man: Oh that’s cool, I had UWEB once. The anti-fungal cream really worked wonders).

This breakdown may have been brought on by a late-night google search of jobs for arts graduates. Waiter was one of only a few options.*

Whatever the cause, I present you with a direct transcript from my mind during my battle with UWEB:

I’m unemployed. No-one will ever employ me. I am unemployable. I have no marketable skills! Why would anyone employ me? Why? Surely I have some skillz! Like maybe if the government had a really big problem and war was imminent, they’d be all “We need an Accomplished Woman!” Then they’d turn to me and say  “You there, the woman who makes Salted Caramel Ice Cream, how will you help this global crisis?”

I’d be ready with a 2B pencil in hand: “I can write you a sonnet…or perhaps prose? Will that solve your really big world wide problem? I’ll make it really good.”

Ok. Stop freaking out. Here’s what you need to do, self. You need to write something. Anything. Write for The Accomplished Woman Dot Org. She’ll employ you. Sure, the pay’s not great but maybe then you will have something to show for your days of carb-loading and coffee drinking.

Am I speaking in 3rd person? It’s hard to tell. Maybe I’ve split my personality into two. I’ll call the other one Flora. I knew a girl called Flora once…

That’s not the point. I need to write. We need to write. Verity and Flora.

But I don’t know what to write. I should know what to write. I know! I need to do something so I can write about it! Is making popcorn ice cream really enough to keep this website going? Mmm. Popcorn. Butter. Is butter a carb? Carbs. Carbs. Carbs. I love carbs. A carb would make a good husband. No one ever hates carbs. Do they? Really? Think about it. Oh, I am. People love carbs!

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I’m Back

25 Jan

And you thought I’d never return.

While I would prefer to be trawling through country bookshops and eating FroYo* I have come back to reality. Good thing too because a diet of FroYo and books is not sustainable.

Get ready to see amazing posts on …. and …. and even ……!

Um yeah, help me out here?

If you have any thoughts, ideas or challenges that I can turn into riveting posts, hit me up at veritytheaccomplishedwoman@gmail.com

-TAW

 

*Frozen yoghurt. Seriously.