Life as a Sister

14 Dec

From Left: The Accomplished Woman, The Boss, The Child, The Prince.

I am a sister of the highest order as I am both a big sister and a little sister.

I know which one I prefer. It’s obvious. Big sisters have all the power.

My big sister, The Boss, was a natural dictator. We kids lived by the law of the land and the land said that The Boss was queen. She could order me to do anything and I’d smile my oversized teeth and comply with pleasure.

The Boss got all of the best roles in the family plays: Fantine from Les Miserable, Britney from Alvin and the Chipmunks, The blonde one from Abba, I could go on. I was always the dorky character, The Prince was by default the lead male and The Child played any leftover parts (generally non-speaking, always cute as a button).

 

But nowhere did The Boss capture our attention more than when we were invited into her inner sanctum. On those occasions we would happily sit on the floor (definitely not on her bed) as she complained for hours about all the issues of the day like online chatting, Hanson and boys with braces.

“So he was like, ‘see ya later’ and I was like, that is so rude. He didn’t even use emoticons. Whatever. I don’t even care. I’m over him,”  The Boss would whine.

“Totally,” I’d say trying to bolster her ego. “You don’t even like-”

“It’s like, why would I want him anyway, you know?”

“Well it was like I was saying-”

“I’m too good for him.”

Then she’d look at me and The Child waiting for praise.

“Totally,” I’d agree.

“Um, today…I was…at school-” The Child would begin, unable to follow the conversation but keen to get her thoughts out there.

The Boss would interrupt: “Can you turn off the light when you leave? Thanks.”

And with that she’d yawn dramatically and turn over in her bed.

No ‘goodnight, see you tomorrow.’ No ‘how was your day? I heard you got the new Spice Girls Impulse fragrance, what’s it like?’

She got away with it easily because we were desperate plebs in awe of our queen. The vicious cycle continued until a few nights before her wedding. Now if she wants to get rid of us she has to give us some leftovers made by The Brother-in-Law before we will agree to get going.

Luckily for me, I have a little sister which means there is at least one person who I will always be in awe of me, eager for my love and attention which I bestow when I feel so moved to. I learnt how to deal with this through The Boss’s example.

Obviously I laze in bed half asleep as The Child entertains me with her amusing anecdotes. I can multitask The Child- read a novel as she speaks to me. I can leave the room when she’s mid-sentence. It’s not that I’m particularly callous, you understand. It’s just one of the perks of being at the top. Plus, I’m sure whatever she’s got to say she’s going to say it a few times so I’ll just catch the rerun.

While I may abuse her kind adoration and my natural power, don’t worry. She gets her own back.

The other day I was ironing in heels. I thought it was a classy touch and definitely in keeping with my Accomplished Woman image. The Child looked at me like a preying animal and very calmly said.

“You look evil all the time,”

I was perturbed. I thought I looked kind and pleasing. I thought the heels really added an extra something, ya know?

“What do you mean, beloved little sister of my heart?”

She thought for a moment. Deep thoughts, I am sure.

“You have the face of an evil child….like Gollum.”

I was torn between offence (did she just say I looked like an evil child? Like that girl from The Ring?), confusion (Gollum was a Stoor Hobbit* not a child) and big sister pride (my baby sister knows who Gollum is. My sister! The Child who once asked me how I could type on the computer without the internet).

And just like that, my little sister took away all the confidence I thought I had won and reduced me to a paranoid mess. My hair is not that thin! Oh gosh, are my ears growing?!

 

 

*Please don’t question me on LOTR or I will have to admit that I’ve never read them and that would not be good for my authorial credibility. I am however well versed in issues relating to the films such as: Aragorn is a Hottie and So is Frodo Sort Of .

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3 Responses to “Life as a Sister”

  1. Svetlana December 14, 2011 at 8:56 am #

    ”u look evil all the time” and ”how can u type on the computer without the internet” im dying. im in a meeting cry/laughing uncontrollably. thanks for sharing supagetti 🙂

  2. paulavouris December 14, 2011 at 10:40 am #

    Great writing Miss Accomplished! So funny! Yep I was “The Boss” growing up in my family with “the over achiever” tendencies. Gary was a combo “the Prince/ the child”. As i observe my own kids Josh is also a combo “the Boss/the prince”, Olivia is “THE princess/the child”. Makes a very interesting and somewhat exhausting family dynamics at our house! 🙂

  3. Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella December 15, 2011 at 6:43 am #

    LOL you make me chuckle! I really like your take on life TAW! 😉

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